Moony and Padfoot's advice column
by CrystalChaos
Summary: Basically Moony and Padfoot start an advice column there is a story in between chapters that details why. You can also write questions as if you are a character in the book.
1. Just a word from Moony and Padfoot

Disclaimer: I don't own characters just the advice. (This goes for all the chapters.)  
  
Padfoot: Hi! Welcome to the only advice column that will give you good advice!  
  
Moony: You know Padfoot that sounded really stupid.  
  
Padfoot: What would you know anyways it sounded awesome, great, like it was the best words you ever heard in your life!  
  
Moony: (shakes head sadly) Ok I'll start answering your questions after I go get Padfoot's head checked and there are some questions just post them in the review thingy. Ok?  
  
Padfoot: But I don't need my head checked it's just fine!!!! Maybe you need your head checked too!! Humph me crazy that's insane I mean really just because I have certain obsessions that pretty much rule my life doesn't mean I'm insane. I mean take you your just as ……..  
  
  
  
Ok just get those questions in and they'll be answered in the next chapter! 


	2. Actual advice

Padfoot: Hi! Welcome to lets see Moony dance with a turkey on his head!!!!!  
  
Moony: WHAT!!! I'M NOT GOIONG TO DANCE WITH A TURKEY ON MY HEAD!!!!!!! THIS IS AN ADVICE COLUMN!!!!  
  
Padfoot: (in a sweet voice) Of course you are Moony I mean you're my best friend what are best friends for anyways. (  
  
Moony: For this of course paddyfooty. (Suddenly Padfoot is decked in Slythrin colors and starts to dance with a turkey on his head while Moony is rolling on the ground laughing still clutching his wand.) HaHaHaHa ok on with the advice giving!  
  
Padfoot: (Now back to normal.) Ha Ha Moony but on with the advice giving.  
  
  
  
Okay, my friend wants to know this (and this isn't the thing where "my friend" means "me"): What do you do if you have a crush on a fictional character from a video game (that's a sort of box thing that you put little things in and put in a control pad where you can play games)? Just sad, ain't she? Oh well.  
  
Arizima  
  
Well Arizima,  
  
Ok you (j/k) I mean your friend should try to get over this character. Or mabe she should try to find a spell that will bring this character to life. Try the Antimor spell that will work on a cardboard figure. Otherwise I'd recommend introducing her to various different guys and hope she falls in love. If that doesn't help tell her Snape is in love with this video game character! (  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Moony and Padfoot  
  
  
  
Dear Padfoot,  
  
Have you ever read a fan fic about yourself? If so, what do you think about the ones where you're Harry's father?  
  
Dear Moony,  
  
Do you have a girlfriend? I think you're really hot.  
  
-Lunar Child  
  
Dear Lunar Child,  
  
Padfoot: Well I have read fics about myself the most disgusting ones me being gay with my godson Harry. * Shudders *Even ones with me being gay with Moony scare me! (Moony: I'm with you Padfoot!) The ones with me being Harry's father I like! Although I could never replace James and Lily I can still be the best godfather ever! Although in my current um run-away murder state I can't but I can still dream.  
  
Moony:Alright Padfoot it's my turn. I must admit that I don't have a girlfriend. I know am the hottest one here. (Padfoot: Hey, I'm the hottest one here. * gets shoved away by Remus * Mabe you can meet me in hogsemede or something.  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Moony and Padfoot  
  
  
  
Dear Moony and Padfoot,  
  
I have a problem. I read this book, and I really like one of the characters in it. He sounds really sweet and caring, and completely different from any guy I currently know. One of my friends suggested therapy, but that sounds a little extreme, right?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
StarlightBlast  
  
Dear StarlightBlast,  
  
Of course it's a little extreme. Did they try burning those books? J/K anyways it's perfectly normal and natural. I mean look at how many people fall in love with us every day and they don't even know us!!  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Moony and Padfoot  
  
  
  
U know how u guys have nicknames 4 u'r animal forms? well what name would u give me if my an animal form was a Fox?  
  
-Firecat  
  
Dear Firecat,  
  
Well we might give you the name firecat there is nothing wrong with that. Mabe even Foxy ;) . Or sly or Redfoot (Moony: If you were dating Padfoot.). Just depends on your personality!  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Padfoot and Moony  
  
  
  
Dear Moony and Padfoot,  
  
I just have a couple of questions.  
  
1)Moony, would you rather still be a werewolf or be a vampire?  
  
2)Padfoot, would you like to go on a date with me sometime?  
  
3)I'm a registered animagus, a coyote. What do you think would be a good nickname?  
  
4)Do you consider Veelas Dark Creatures?  
  
5)If Lily and James were alive, and Peter hadn't betrayed any of you, what do you think you'd be doing now?  
  
Sincerely,  
  
D.A.  
  
Dear Diamond Angel,  
  
1.) Moony: I would still be a werewolf. At least it's only once a month while Vampires feed off of blood daily. The though of drinking blood really isn't that appetizing at all. That and I'm used to being a werewolf.  
  
2.) Padfoot: Sure why not it's been years since I've been on a date at all. Meet me in Hogsmede on Sat. at 7 p.m. can't wait!  
  
3.) Ok what is it with all these people wanting us to come up with nicknames. James was really the person that came up with the nicknames. I wanted to name myself grim. Well anyways how's silver fang sound?  
  
4.) Not really unless your trying to convince them of something then they start to look a little dark otherwise no.  
  
5.) We would probably be in the middle of doing something nasty to Snape and Malfoy. And looking forward to a party soon for no absolute reason. (  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Padfoot and Moony  
  
  
  
dear moony and padfoot:  
  
you guys are my heroes!but i have a problem. Ok, lots of problems. But there is one that I want some help on. I belive that you 2 can help me. There is this person at my school that I dont like all that well. I was wondering if you could tell me some hints on how to pull the perfect prank on him.  
  
sincerely,  
  
luna demintia  
  
(PS: how do you become an animangus?)  
  
(PPS: how do you make a map like the one that you, prongs, and wormtail made?)  
  
(PPPS: both of you are my muses, i just thought that you might want to know that)  
  
Dear Luna Demintia,  
  
Alright we have some ideas for getting him back. Try putting chewed gum in his chair when he's not looking. There's also squirting Ketchup on him during lunch and saying it's an accident really works well when it looks that way. The stain will show all day. Or squirting water on his pants so it looks like he had an 'Accident' in them. Those are some of our suggestions. You become an animigus by brewing three different potions that must be done correctly. You take them on three different days. Take one then take another 2 weeks latter, then you take the final one during a full moon and then complete a series of wand motions while muttering an incantation. If done correctly it will look like nothing has happened then it's just a matter of concentrating on the form that flashes in you mind after the incantation to attempt to turn into this animal. The map thing is a secret and we are honored to be yours muses!  
  
Yours Truly,  
  
Moony and Padfoot  
  
A/N Crystal Chaos: Just a side note outside this fic you can also write questions in the name of Harry Potter characters. 


	3. More Advice

Sorry this column wasn't up sooner but I wanted to see if I could get more reviews ok.-Crystal Chaos  
  
Moony-Thanks for your questions and please ask more questions soon. Remember no question is a bad question.  
  
Padfoot- Execpt when they ask about your personal life and then there are the questions you didn't want to read. Or the questions that tell you stuff that you didn't want to know about. Or..  
  
Moony- Oh Shut-Up. Here's some food now be quiet.  
  
Padfoot- FOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOODDDDDDDDDDDD!  
  
  
  
Dearest Moony and Padfoot,  
  
I fear that I may have what some may call a crush. However, some describe as what you may so undelicately call a "slut". But that wasn't my fault, I was under Imperius! To continue- the boy that I like so much is just that, a boy. I myself am a boy. A boy whom I previously hated for his Muggle- loving, penny-pinching attitude. Also, his affections seem focused on a certain Mud.. er I mean Muggle-born witch. However can I reveal to my crush my feelings without getting disowned? Father hates Muggleborns.  
  
Sincerely,  
  
a certain Pureblood Blond Slytherin  
  
ps: You two are so hot, and your names are precious!  
  
  
  
Dear Draco Malfoy (a.k.a. a certain Pureblood Blond Slytherin ),  
  
Moony: We feel it is best you tell Ron how you feel. I'm sure he'll feel the same way about you.  
  
Padfoot: Sure once pigs start flying and I decide I'm in love with my godson.  
  
Moony: Well ignore him but the point is you should go for it and if your father really cares for you he won't disown you at all.  
  
Padfoot: But we are very disturbed you think our names are precious and you find us hot just for your information. We don't like you that way but I'm sure Ron might.  
  
Moony: Amen  
  
  
  
Dudes!  
  
What is like, the most totally excellent prank you've ever pulled? And how many totally bogus detentions did you get?  
  
Yours,  
  
Ted "Theodore" Logan and Bill S. Preston, Esquire  
  
  
  
Dear Ted and Bill,  
  
Padfoot: The best prank we ever pulled was in our seventh year. At the beginning of the year we got to school early and we rigged the great hall. The sorting hat sang barney songs, And every time it sorted someone to Gryffindor it said "Lions and tigers and bears oh my" Ravenclaw- "We're of to see the wizard the wonderful wizard of oz" Hufflepuff- "We'd like to welcome you to munchkin land" Slythrin- "I'm melting I'm melting.". But that's not it whenever someone would try to eat desert it would runaway from them. When they ate dinner though it would only make them hungrier. The teachers all had bubbles on top of there heads that said exactly what they were thinking at the moment. All the male Slythrins looked like girls and everyone was in Gryffindor colors there was chaos and mayhem everywhere!  
  
Moony: We've actually managed to get a detention for every single day of the school year minus the first days of school and the first week of the school year in our first year.  
  
  
  
How do I get to pass astronomy in my school when its so hard  
  
-Star  
  
  
  
Dear Star,  
  
Padfoot: The easiest way I know of is to copy someone elses homework.  
  
Moony: Mabe should just study to. Or forget about the class all together and make it look like your trying you've got other classes that will make up for it anyways. But if your really worried try getting a tutor or extra help from the teacher.  
  
  
  
Sirius  
  
I'm a fox Animagus who is in love with a big black dog animagus and doesn't know how to ask them out.  
  
How's this  
  
Sirius will you go on a date with me?  
  
Love  
  
Amanda aka Sirius Amore  
  
  
  
Padfoot: Sure I would love to but I'll have to get back to you on the location me and Moony are going to attempt to find one that I won't get cought in because I'm still on the run from the ministry.  
  
Moony: When did I volunteer for this anyways. Oh well  
  
  
  
Ok because stories will get deleted if there is no plotline this story will have a plotline ok. Basically I'm going to be writing an actual story in between. Ok- Crystal Chaos. 


	4. The beginings of the story

Ok here is the disclaimer That will be for the whole story ok . I don't own J.K. Rowlings characters or plot.  
  
Harry Potter and the Order of Pheonix  
  
Chapter 1 –Harry's Summer  
  
Harry was miserable his summer had just started and already they had locked him up in his room. This was going to be one really long summer. He had thought about writing to some one but Hedwig was stuck in the room with him. So here he was stuck in his room. Left only with the thoughts of Cedric's death at the end of the school. Year.  
  
*Elsewhere*  
  
A thin man with black hair was pacing around a small room worriedly. "Why hasn't Harry written at all. The summers almost over and not one letter. He won't even answer mine and if he doesn't by the end of the day. I'm kidnapping him from the Dursley's!" "Well, Sirius you'll have my support. You know what let's go right now!" all of a sudden Sirius stooped pacing and just stared. "Calm sensible Remus has decided to turn. I like it lets go." With that the two men ran out acting like little kids.  
  
A/N ok I know this chapter should have been longer but I need some beta's first this was more of an introduction than anything. Ok so review your ideas. Flames anything. This is basically a fillar story for the advice column. Later I'll find some way to fit the column into the story. I've already got the beginnings of an idea it just needs to be more developed. 


End file.
